What does it really mean to be kind to yourself?
What does it mean to be kind to yourself? It means in a world full of criticism, judgment, pressure and demands, you become your own safe space. Your mind becomes a place of gentleness; a soft landing zone.
A lot of times our inner voice is a result of harsh experiences we had growing up. Our inner voice could be the words of a childhood bully, an unhealthy parent, abusive partner, criticism from religion or anything that made you question yourself
Sometimes, we don’t even realize that we are being unkind to ourselves. The words begin subtly by saying things like “that was stupid” or “don’t be dumb” and it grows to sayings like “what’s wrong with you” or “of course you broke it.” These phrases emphasize inferiority, lack of ability and that something is ‘wrong’ with you.
The first step toward healing is to STOP these thoughts in their track. When you recognize you’re thinking this way, tell it to stop. The goal here is to create new norms in your thinking. Once you get in the habit of recognizing the unkind self-talk, then replace it with something kind. Change ‘that was stupid’ to ‘oops I made a mistake’. ‘Don’t be dumb’ to ‘you got this’. ‘What’s wrong with you’ changes to ‘be patient and rethink’ and ‘of course you broke it’ can change to ‘oh no, it broke’. Take the ownership of failure and inadequacy away from you and put the ownness on the object.
When these steps seem to high, start with challenging those thoughts/patterns. Would I say this to a kindergartner? Would I allow someone else to talk to me or treat me the way I do? If the answer is no, practice changing the way you talk or treat yourself. It takes time to reprogram yourself, and not only are you capable….you are worth the time it takes!
What It Really Means to Be Kind to Yourself
In a world that constantly bombards us with criticism, judgment, pressure, and relentless demands, being kind to yourself is a radical act. It means becoming your own safe space. It means allowing your mind to become a place of gentleness—a soft landing zone instead of a battlefield.
The Inner Voice: Where It All Begins
Many of us carry an inner voice that doesn't speak with kindness. Often, it's not even our own. It's the echo of a childhood bully, a harsh parent, an abusive partner, or even teachings from rigid belief systems that made us question our worth. Over time, these voices blend into our thoughts and feel like our own.
The most dangerous part? We don’t always recognize how unkind we’re being. The voice doesn’t usually scream—it whispers.
It says things like:
“That was stupid.”
“Don’t be dumb.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Of course you broke it.”
These phrases don’t just comment on mistakes; they reinforce the belief that you are the problem. That something is wrong with you. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The First Step: Recognize and Interrupt
Healing starts when we become aware of these thought patterns and intentionally disrupt them. The moment you catch yourself thinking in a harsh, critical way—pause.
Tell yourself, “Stop.” Literally.
Your goal is to build a new way of speaking to yourself—one rooted in compassion, understanding, and truth.
Replacing Criticism With Compassion
Once you’ve recognized the negative self-talk, replace it with something kinder, more neutral, or even encouraging. For example:
Unkind Thought > Kind Replacement
“That was stupid.” > “Oops, I made a mistake.”
“Don’t be dumb.” > “You got this.”
“What’s wrong with you?” > “Be patient and rethink.”
“Of course you broke it.” > “Oh no, it broke.”
Notice how the replacements remove blame and shame. They acknowledge the moment without attacking your worth.
The Litmus Test: Would You Say This to a Child?
If you’re unsure whether your self-talk is helpful or harmful, try this:
Ask yourself, Would I say this to a kindergartener?
Or, Would I let someone talk to me like this out loud?
If the answer is no, it’s time to change the script. You deserve the same compassion, patience, and grace you would offer to someone you love.
Reprogramming Takes Time—But You’re Worth It
Changing your inner voice isn’t a quick fix. It takes time, awareness, and lots of practice. But the good news? You are capable of that kind of change. More importantly, you are worth the time it takes.
Being kind to yourself isn't just about being gentle—it’s about healing. It’s about reclaiming your inner world as a place of safety. And every time you choose compassion over criticism, you take one more step toward becoming the person you were always meant to be.
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